Like many people looking for that special someone, I belong to sites like Lavalife, Plenty of Fish, Yahoo and Hot or Not. It can get a little frustrating sometimes because many of the women SAY they are looking for email, chat or to meet new people, but they never respond when you contact them. What’s the point of being on there then? I don’t get it. Anyway, the purpose in writing this entry is because anyone I do make contact with gets sent here to learn a little about me, so here goes….
This is the dreaded "who am I" task. How do you describe yourself to give an accurate and truthful insight into who you really are? I always felt you should ask your friends to describe you, as it would probably be more accurate, but that might be a task fraught with danger, right? So I’m stuck.
I have two dreaded labels that have been placed on me: "nice guy" and "hopeless romantic". I’m never sure about the first one, only because it has been my experience so far that women, in general, don’t know what to do with a "nice guy". They say this is what they want, but then all they do is take advantage of it. Sometimes I believe that women are more attracted to the "bad boys", who are a challenge for them and something they seem to be more used to, which is truly sad. The "hopeless romantic" part has only brought me a lot of hurt over the years, and I continually question why I remain so "hopeless", but I guess this is the very definition of it. I just can’t see the point, never could, in "playing games" and not being romantic if this is how you feel. I believe in any relationship that the courting should never stop. Without it a relationship just becomes stale and this is why people "screw around". They go looking for what they already would have if they just were more romantic. Just because you are with someone and you think you are secure, is that a reason to take it for granted? I don’t think so.
The best way I can describe my romantic side is to talk about a past relationship, although many have told me this is very dangerous because women are threatened by the idea that you are still in love, or that they can’t measure up to your past love. This won’t exactly quell that fear, but I have to be honest and say I do still "love" her, but it’s different now. I think it’s a lie to say you were hopelessly in love with your perfect soulmate, but now, because it’s "over", you have no feelings. How could you have really been in love if you can just flip the switch and it’s gone? That doesn’t make sense to me.
So, what was so special about this girl? First, we were the very best of friends, in every way. We respected and supported each other in everything we did. We had fun doing all sorts of things together. We talked for hours. We cuddled. We had a thing where, if we were together, we could not go longer than fifteen minutes without kissing each other. It made our friends gag, but I know they just wished they had someone like that. Our song was "Let’s Make Love" by Faith Hill and Tim McGraw. If it came on the radio, no matter where we were or what we were doing, we had to drop everything and dance. She would phone me at work or on my cell, and the only thing I would hear was the song. At the end of every single day we would crawl into bed – and we never went to bed separately, and tell each other our "special moment" of the day. It might have been something we did, or said, but it always involved each other. It truly was "special". For no particular reason she would just squeeze my hand or hug me and tell me she loved me. Where ever we were we would catch a glimpse of each other, and smile and sigh, secure in the knowledge that we were truly in love. We had a great sex life. We were intimate with each other all the time and always had passion. We never had angry words between us and always went to bed happy, no matter how hard that was sometimes. We worked together on renovating the house. We shared our dreams for the future and we were both heavily involved in her kids upbringing, even though they were not my kids. She treated me as an equal and we had a genuine mutual respect for each other. She was totally comfortable with PDA’s (public displays of affection) and never once said no. We both knew our lives together were so much richer than apart, and it is why we remain great friends five years later. We have both moved on and know that we will never be together as we were, but we still treasure what we have now, and it does not in any way threaten any new relationship. Is it a "benchmark" of sorts for someone else? Well, certainly, because if you don’t have those same kinds of feelings for someone else, then you are not in love, at least not the way you want to be. You will have your own "special moments", of course, but they will be unique ones for you.
Okay, so what’s wrong with the "nice guy" part? To be perfectly honest, I don’t know, but it seems that my pattern is to treat a woman like gold, because I want to and because I think she deserves the best I have to offer. If I care for her, I tell her. I’m openly affectionate and just love to hug and kiss and hold hands. I am old school in the sense that I believe if we’re dating, I should pay. I am very uncomfortable with "going Dutch" or, God forbid, having a woman pay. It just goes against who I am. I open doors and do everything a gentlemen does, out of respect and habit. Would I like to be treated well in return? Certainly, but it never seems to happen. I have no difficulty with paying, if we’re in a developing relationship and I feel like a "date". Where the problem develops is when all I ever do is pay and pay. There’s no affection or love coming back, just the dreaded "friends" idea. I have friends and it’s not that I don’t want more. You can never have too many friends, but if you are with someone you have expressed feelings for and they know it, then are you not just being used if they want to remain "just friends"? I’m not suggesting that you need to "pay up" if you’re not sleeping with me, but I think it’s unfair to keep the ruse going if you know this isn’t going the way I think it is. That’s just cruel and unfair. I would just like to meet someone who understands and appreciates having a "nice guy" care for them. Someone who won’t see me as an easy mark and take advantage of me. At the very least be upfront with me and be blunt. Tell me you like me as a friend, but there’s nothing else, so let’s keep it friendly. Don’t play head games by encouraging me to think it’s more.
Sorry, that became a rant of sorts. I’m just frustrated that I can’t seem to find a "nice girl" who wants to make our lives together special. Who realizes I am one of the "good guys", who can be trusted, especially with your heart. I don’t want or need someone who is so cautious that they are not willing to give everything they’ve got to developing a special relationship. Okay, so you are "strong" and "independant" and "don’t need a man" to be happy, but get over it. It’s okay to just be real and admit that being in love is the best feeling in the world. That waking up in someone’s arms, knowing that to them you are the most special person in the world, is a true joy. No, you don’t "need" them, but you do choose them to share your life.
Okay so now I’ve either scared you away, or encouraged you to take the next step. I hope this has helped, either way.